The way to your heart
by raj4061
Summary: Events that take place after season 7 episode rampage concentrating on the Carter/Abby relationship
1. chapter 1

"So how was your meeting last night" Luka Kovac asked Abby as they both made there way to County General

CHAPTER 1

NB: All characters in this story are owned by NBC. 

Abby Lockhart sat in her apartment puffing on a cigarette near her bedroom window. She didn't even know why she was smoking or why she even felt the urge to have a cigarette after going two months straight without one. She had a headache and she knew that the cigarette probably wasn't helping her. Her thoughts were far away and at the same time she was trying to come up with a decent believable excuse in her head as to why she wasn't going to be in work later on that afternoon. Of course the real reason she didn't want to go into work was because of her fellow colleague. _John Carter_. 

"God! " she said out loud "even thinking about him is making me insane, maybe I should just call him and demand an explanation for him ending our friendship. How dare he!!!" Abby couldn't understand why she was so worked up about it but she was and she needed answers from Carter, but she knew that if she avoided him she wasn't going to get any answers. Why was this so difficult for her? And why did she keep hearing Carter's voice over and over in her head telling her that their friendship was over? Abby took the last drag from her cigarette and threw it out onto the street below. She decided to have a cup of coffee to calm her nerves further seeing as having a cigarette had no effect whatsoever.

As she poured herself a cup of coffee she pondered on whether to call Dr. Weaver and let her know that she wouldn't be in work today, that she had some 24-hour bug or something. She then went to collect the morning paper and was just returning back to her apartment when her phone rang. She figured she'd let the answering machine take it. Then again she thought it might be Carter so she picked it up. It wasn't Carter. It was her ever so devoted boyfriend Luka Kovac.

Luka was asking her if she wanted to meet him for lunch before their shift that morning. Abby felt uneasy for a moment, she hesitated to answer Luka and then told him that she was feeling ill, that she had a tummy bug. She asked him to let Weaver know she would be off work today. Luka agreed but wanted to come and see her. Abby brushed him off saying that he might catch it. After hanging up Abby was overcome with a huge sense of guilt. Why was she taking out her anger on Luka?

~~~

It was 12:30pm that afternoon and John Carter had just woken up, looking at the bright red numbers on his alarm clock he groaned. He had overslept. Now he only had half hour to get dressed and get to work. He got up and made his way into the shower splashing cold water over his face in an attempt to wake him up. He figured he'd grab a cup of coffee at work. He went over to his answering machine and saw the red light bleeping. He pressed the button without thinking and heard a familiar voice on the other end. 

"Carter it's me Abby, if you're in please pick up the phone. We need to talk okay so call me back……………….." again without thinking Carter pressed the delete button then sighed loudly as he heard the voiceover say _"message deleted."_ He then decided that he had to get out of here.

~~~

"John, are you okay? You look a little down" Jing Mei Chen was asking Carter as he was sipping his coffee whilst sitting at the admit desk that afternoon at County General. He looked up at her but didn't answer.

"John" she prompted him.

"I'm fine" he finally answered "Just tired"

"You want to talk about it? We've got a few minutes before we start work"

"No thanks," Carter got up and walked over to the board to see whom his first patient was. Just then he saw Doctors Weaver and Kovac enter the hospital and he couldn't help but overhear their conversation.

"Abby won't be in today…she's come down with a stomach bug" Dr. Kovac was saying.

"Thanks for letting me know" Dr. Weaver said. Carter approached Dr. Weaver to ask him where he would be working for the day.

"Steady on Carter let me get my stuff sorted. I've only just arrived. You've got a few minutes yet. Go get a coffee, I'll come and find you"

Carter knew better than to argue with Dr. Weaver but he didn't feel like having more free time on his hands. He was still trying to figure out whether Abby was ill or was she just trying to avoid him. He headed for the lounge.

~~~

Later that afternoon Abby was still in her apartment now wondering whether she should just go to work. She was going out of her mind in the apartment. Maybe she should go to work and face things by talking to Carter. Yes that was it; she had to talk to him because he obviously hadn't bothered to return her call. She grabbed her coat and headed out.

~~~

"Yeah I'm sorry about that………..I feel much better now…."Abby was explaining to Dr. Weaver later that day at County General.

"Okay well if you're sure, you can see the patient in Curtain 3. He needs a wrist burn treated"

"Thanks" Abby said as she headed towards Curtain 3. She didn't see Carter anywhere. He must be busy.

~~~

"Damn it Chuny when I ask you to get something I expect you to get it for me not gossip in the hallway"

"All right, I said I'm sorry." Chuny said. She couldn't figure out what was wrong with Carter today but he certainly was behaving strangely.

Carter took off his gloves and threw them down in frustration. It was then that he spotted Abby. What was she doing here? He pretended he hadn't seen her and turned to head the other way but she had seen him and was calling his name. He kept walking.

"Dr. Carter…Dr. Carter wait up" Carter stopped and turned to face her. He stared at her for a while and then she broke the silence.

"Can we go for a walk?"

Carter was still staring at her. _Wow he thought I am so attracted to her right now_ but to Abby he replied

"I don't think so"

"So you were serious when you said our friendship was over?"

He nodded but inside it was killing him. All he'd wanted was to tell her how he felt, that he was falling in love with her and he didn't know what to do about it"

"Well I'm sorry Carter, I don't buy it. I think we need to talk this through like adults. Meet me by the river in five minutes"

Saying that she walked off leaving Carter to stare after her.

~~~

Abby wasn't sure whether Carter would turn up. She stared out towards the river and turned round to see if he was coming. She'd give him a few more minutes and then she'd leave. Then she saw him. He was all hunched up and looked cold. He was coming toward her. She turned back to face the river and waited for him to approach her which he did.

"Hey" he said

"Hey" 

"Hope I didn't keep you waiting too long. I just had to finish with a patient."

"No it's okay………..so um…well I don't know how to put this…but…………okay, I've been going out of my mind about this whole thing and I can't for the life of me figure out why you are ending our friendship. I mean is it me? Have I done something to offend you? Because if I have I apologise…………" her voice trailed off and she took a sip of her coffee. Carter just sat their looking down at his hands _Is he going to say anything _Abby thought_ or am I going to have to do all the talking._

"Carter…. look at me, you used to be able to talk to me so easily………I can't believe you want to throw all that away."

Carter looked up but didn't quite meet her gaze. He was afraid, afraid to tell her how he felt but he shouldn't feel afraid. This was Abby. He could talk to her about anything, _anything except this _he thought.

"Look Carter, I don't want anything from you okay, just an explanation for all this."

"You know Abby if you'd listened to everything else I told you before then maybe you'd know why I decided to end the friendship."

"What?" Abby practically shouted "okay well you told me that the friendship was convenient for me and not for you but that is so not fair."

"That's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean? I mean did you think that I would just take this light heartedly, forget about it and except it?"

"Abby I never meant to hurt you." He now looked directly at her and realised that he had hurt her. He reached out to hold her hand and squeezed it. Abby smiled at him briefly.

"So why are you then?" she said more gently "I really care about you Carter and I don't want to lose you as a friend" Carter saw a small tear drop from her eye as she spoke.

"Abby………I just don't want to be the other guy okay. It's just too hard……………I can't go on being the shoulder you cry on when you want to talk about Luka."

Abby recalled Luka being mentioned in their conversation earlier, _what was it that he had said about Luka before?_ As if answering her question Carter said.

"I meant what I said before that I don't want to wish bad things for you and Luka…………and I really don't"

"I don't understand, why are you bringing Luka into this?" Carter got angry at hearing this.

"Because it has everything to do with Luka! He's just…………..he's always there you know……………..and I feel like I'm the other guy and that's not what I want Abby…………………"

Suddenly it dawned on Abby what Carter was trying to tell her, finally she was making a break through in this awkward situation.

"Oh my god! Carter I've been so blind…………." She couldn't believe that she hadn't seen this one coming. She felt so selfish.

"I'm so sorry, you must think I'm so insensitive." She turned away from him.

"Abby I didn't mean to ………….I just can't help the way I feel……………….I'm sorry but……………..I think I'm in love with you."

"Carter," this time she held his hand. 

"It's okay you don't have to say anything, I know you don't feel the same way………….I understand."

"I really can't make any sense of this right now……………………how long have you felt this way?"

"A while I guess. I kept telling myself that it could never work but then I kept seeing you all the time and I was helping you all the time and I just thought that we might have a chance. I guess that was just wishful thinking right," he smiled slightly.

"And all this time……………..god Carter I feel so bad…I don't know what to say to you" Then before he knew what he was doing Carter leaned forward and kissed her on the lips

~~~

To be continued


	2. chapter 2

"So how was your meeting last night" Luka Kovac asked Abby as they both made there way to County General

As soon as he'd done it John Carter regretted it. This had to be on his list of worst things he'd ever done and kissing Abby Lockhart after admitting his feelings for her rated pretty much high up on the list. In fact Carter had told himself that when he had ended his friendship with Abby two weeks ago it had been for the best, for both of them but as he pondered on his thoughts he knew he had made things much worse. How could he ever face her again? And he wouldn't blame her if she never spoke to him again. When was he going to get it? She already has a boyfriend and if she had any romantic feelings for him wouldn't he at least have a clue by now. Well if the kiss was anything to go by. She hadn't pulled back straight away so technically it did count as a proper kiss but then when she had pulled away she got this look on her face that said that _this is wrong_ and it was then that Carter realised that acting on impulse was not a good thing. 

He hadn't spoken to Abby since the kiss, of course he saw her at work but things were far from normal. Carter knew that if he didn't say anything to her then it wasn't likely things were going to get sorted but what was there to sort out? Was he just going to make an even bigger fool of himself in front of her, if that was at all possible? Would he be satisfied when she blatantly shouted it out to him that she loved Luka and had no intention of splitting up with him? All these thoughts were making Carter nauseous as he realised he hadn't eaten anything today. He'd rushed out this morning without even having coffee because he was late for a drugs meeting, ones he thought he should keep going to at least for a few more months. Maybe he should have gone to a relationships meeting instead because he had drifted away into another world right in the middle of the meeting. He had been thinking about when he'd kissed Abby how it had felt to feel her lips on his. It sent shivers up his spine just thinking about it. Anyway back to the present Carter needed to do something useful with his time. When he wasn't at work all he thought about was Abby. Why couldn't she just give him a chance to allow herself to love him back? Why??

~~~

"………….John's different from anyone I've ever known before. We became so close in a really short time…………….. I remember last year um………………. when I was a med student at County General and I met John. I really respected him for who he was, a really good doctor. Someone I could look up to you know. I guess that's why I reported him for drug abuse because I knew he had to face up to it sooner or later otherwise he'd lose his job and damage his health………he's a good person………….but all this is just………. I don't know I guess what I'm trying to say is I can't handle it all, that's why I'm here. I really need some advice, any advice." Abby felt a little bit better after getting a few things off her chest even if it was to a complete stranger at least they wouldn't take sides. She didn't like the idea of being stuck in a confined space with some shrink but it was the best she was going to get at such short notice.

"Okay" the shrink continued "well you mentioned you have a boyfriend…let's talk about him. Give me a bit of an insight into your relationship with your boyfriend."

"Luka…well where do I start…Luka he's. ……he's caring and compassionate; he's always supported me. He's hard to understand sometimes and he can't seem to read my moods as easily as I'd like him to. I guess I have been shutting him out especially since this situation with John. I feel so guilty like I actually am cheating on Luka when I'm not!!!"

"Do you feel that if you continue to spend time with John you may start feeling something more for him than you actually do?"

Abby looked at the shrink in disgust and thought to herself. _What kind of a question is that?_

"Um…my spending time with him isn't the issue. I care for him. I just…well I feel like ……I don't know what I feel…I don't want to have to analyse my every move you know. I just want to be normal, with John and with Luka."

"Well it's obvious that you don't want your friendship with John to end"

"Of course not, but he told me he loved me?" Abby hoped the shrink wasn't noting the agitation in her voice."………..and then he kissed me." Abby paused to think about the kiss and how it had made her feel. It had been a nice kiss…_no _what was she thinking.

"How did you feel when he kissed you?" Abby was taken aback by this question.

"How did I feel? Well I guess it was unexpected and I didn't exactly stop it."

"So you let him kiss you?"

"No I mean, I did try to stop it but it took me a minute to realise that he was actually kissing me."

She hoped that hadn't sounded really stupid. How could you not know when someone was kissing you? She was losing it and this stupid shrink wasn't helping.

"So what did you do after you pulled back from the kiss…and how did he react."

"He didn't react I guess because I ran off. What was I supposed to do?"

"And you say you haven't spoken to him since then."

"Well apart from at work when we don't have a choice you know when dealing with patients but other than that no."

"Have you been waiting for him to approach you?"

"No I just haven't wanted to face up to it that's all. I know that sounds dumb."

"Well you know what they say if you avoid a situation it doesn't get any better just worse."

Abby was now convinced that this woman was just NOT doing her job. I mean talk about negative advice. She already knew how worse the situation was. She didn't need to hear it from someone else. Maybe it was time to call it a day.

"Um you know what. I just remembered I have to be in at work early today, some sort of meeting. I should go."

"Very well, maybe next time when we have longer we can talk more. I've made some notes so I shan't forget what you've already told me." Abby politely said goodbye and as soon as she was out the door she sighed with relief.

"That is one b***ch I don't want to see again!!"

~~~

As she entered County General later that day Luka greeted her. He gave her a warm appreciative hug.

"I missed you," he whispered.

"Well I haven't been gone that long." Abby answered.

"I know but it feels like I haven't seen you for so long." He kissed her lightly on the lips.

"Luka not here. People are watching." He ignored her and continued to kiss her.

"Luka!"

Abby wasn't actually worried about _people_ seeing them together, just one person in particular but Carter didn't seem to be around anywhere. Still she wasn't much of a public display of affections kind of person. Luka stopped kissing her and stroked her face.

"You know I can come by tonight cook you dinner."

"You don't have to do that"

"I want to"

"Okay I'll think about it"

Before he could say anything more Abby headed off.

~~~

"Hey Mark………Mark" Carter had entered the lounge at County General later that day. Mark was the only person in there. He was slumped into one of the seats half asleep.

"Mark" Carter repeated. Hearing his voice Mark got up rather abrubtly.

"Oh it's you…what time is it?" he asked Carter.

"3:30…you supposed to be on right now"

"No………I'm going home."

"Oh right"

"I um must have fallen asleep, thanks for waking me" saying that Mark got up and left leaving Carter in the lounge alone. 

He was pouring himself a cup of coffee a few minutes later when the door burst open. It was Abby. She was surprised to see him. He turned back to his coffee.

"Has Dr. Greene been in here?" she asked him.

"Um yeah he just left."

"Okay………." She turned to leave.

"Um Abby…………"

"Yes"

"Can we talk?"

"Um I don't know" she said trying to sound casual

"I think we need to talk"

"Okay"

"Have you got a minute?"

"No, I'm busy I have to get back to a patient…maybe later"

"I really just wanted to say I was sorry about the other day"

"We'll talk later"

"Well I get off at 7 so call me"

"Sure" Abby said before walking out.

~~~

…_call me_ Abby thought as she walked back to her patient. Was he inviting her over to his place? Was that something she was willing to do right now?

"Abby, I need you do see Mr. Horton in exam 1.He needs help to go to the bathroom" Dr. Weaver told her as she walked by.

"I was just finishing up in……….."

"Curtain 3 I know we got that covered."

"Fine" Abby muttered.

~~~

"Thanks for coming by…" Carter said that evening as Abby entered his apartment.

"That's okay" she replied.

"Here let me take your coat…have a seat? Can I get you a drink or anything?"

"No I'm okay"

"So um…well as I said before I wanted to apologise for um…kissing you like that. I realise that it was totally inappropriate and uncalled for…and I don't know what came over me"

"Why did you wait a whole week to tell me this?" Abby answered a little frustration creeping up in her voice.

"What?" he was a little taken back by her attitude.

"We have been successfully avoiding each other for a weeks now and if all you wanted to do was apologise than we would have solved this sooner" Abby was convinced she was handling this all wrong, this is not what she wanted to say.

"Solved this…right okay………" Carter shook his head in confusion

"Carter I really don't get you. I mean there we are you know we have the perfect friendship and now…"

"Your blaming me…I told you I can't help the way I feel." he looked down at his hands and clasped them together. He felt a tear sting his eye.

"I should go." Abby said noticing how uncomfortable she was making him

"No look don't go…I mean we haven't resolved this"

"I don't think we are going to resolve this Carter, we're just going round in circles."

"Abby I wish there was a way for me to stop feeling this way about you. I hate to see you unhappy."

"And I hate to see you unhappy" Abby finished. For the first time in weeks they were actually acknowledging to each other how hurt they both were and both of them were feeling for the other. Abby felt like hugging him like she would to a teddy bear. She wanted to ease his pain, somehow. She wondered if he was feeling the same. She stepped closer to him and looked into his eyes. All she saw was a man deep in pain…so deep in love……….with her and then she couldn't help herself, she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him. She realised that she had tears in her eyes. He was holding onto her too. After a few seconds Abby thought she better break the hug but Carter stopped her.

"Just hold me Abby"

"I have to go" 

"No it's okay…I just want to feel you that's all. Just for a while longer."

That night Abby didn't go home. At 3:30 am she was sitting in Carter's apartment on the couch stroking his hair. He'd fallen asleep on her lap and she didn't want to wake him. He looked so peaceful. She should have left when she had a chance, after they had broken from the hug. Carter had urged her to stay longer. He told her he wouldn't try and make a pass at her he just didn't want to be alone. Abby was so glad she'd cancelled her plans with Luka. The funny thing was she didn't feel bad about cancelling her plans to be with Luka so she and Carter could talk, so she had stayed and now she knew she had to go but somehow she spent the next few hours watching Carter sleep.


	3. chapter 3

"So how was your meeting last night" Luka Kovac asked Abby as they both made there way to County General

"So how was your meeting last night" Luka Kovac asked Abby as they both made their way to County General.

"Oh it was okay you know the usual" Abby replied without looking at him

"So are you still expected to go to the meetings? I mean you have been sober for a while"

"It's the procedure Luka plus I feel like going."

The last thing Abby wanted this morning was Luka to start asking her odd questions. It felt bad enough lying to him and somehow she couldn't see herself telling him where she'd been last night because she was still trying to make light of it herself. She had spent half the night at Carter's. Okay so nothing had happened, nothing that she should feel guilty about but she still had that awful feeling in her stomach, that maybe she shouldn't have stayed too long at Carter's. The true fact of the matter was when she woke up in the morning; she had spent ages thinking about Carter and how vulnerable he had been last night, the way he's asked her to just hold him. He was still lost, she could tell, he was just looking for comfort, but was she the right person to comfort him given the current situation they were in? Abby recalled the way she had watched Carter slowly drift off to sleep like a little child. She had stroked his hair gently and then covered him up and then she hadn't done the sensible thing and left, instead she just sat there and watched him sleep, she'd never watched anyone sleep before. It always seemed a little creepy to do that, but with Carter it hadn't seemed that way and that bothered her.

"Abby…………Abby. I asked you three times can you take care of the patient in curtain two please" Abby heard a distant voice in the background calling out her name. 

"Abby" there it was, she had heard it again. She turned around and jumped.

"Oh my god! Dr. Green you scared me"

"I need your help in curtain two," he paused then said, "This is a hospital Abby there's no time for daydreaming."

"I'm sorry I'll be right there."

Abby felt a bit flustered at being caught out by one of her senior colleagues. Dr. Green was usually so nice to her but everyone knew something was up with him. Reluctantly Abby grabbed a clipboard and made her way to curtain two.

~~~

"Carter can you please concentrate. I said 2 mg of resed"

"I got it okay" Carter swore that if he heard one more comment on his performance from Luka he would punch him.

"If you are not feeling up to this Carter I can get someone else you know."

"Fine you know what, do that" saying that he pulled of his gloves and threw them on the floor giving Luka a disgusted stare before he left. If it was one thing he wasn't going to put up with it was taking shit from Luka. They had clashed many times before over silly things but it seemed whenever Carter was around him he tried to show off his authority. Carter spotted Dr. Dave at the admit desk. He quickly rushed over to him.

"Hey Dave um…I'll take that." He grabbed the clipboard Dave was carrying.

"What hey man, I'm taking that patient," Dave argued.

"Not anymore" Carter walked off.

~~~

"Right Mrs Evans I am going to need to do a blood test on you and then I can analyse the results."

"I'm okay though. I don't have a kidney infection or anything?" Mrs. Evans asked Carter whilst he was examining her in curtain 1 that afternoon.

"Once we get the blood sample we can rule out any kind of infection and diagnose you."

"Carter can I have a word please?" Dr. Weaver was standing outside the curtain.

"Sure" He stepped out "What is it?"

"Why are you here? I assigned this patient to Dave. You were asked to assist Luka on that head trauma that just came in."

"I um………well he didn't need my help."

"Carter the man was crashing and there were supposed to be two doctors on the case."

"Okay I'll get back to it."

"There's no need now the patient's stable again, but they could have done with an extra pair of hands. Anyway Luka informs me that you seem to have a problem working with him."

Carter didn't answer her

"Is this true?"

"I have no problems working with anyone Dr. Weaver………….but Dr. Kovac can be a little to pushy and I don't like anyone undermining me when I'm seeing to a patient."

"Regardless Carter your job is to save the patients, and if you have problems with Dr. Kovac I suggest you get them sorted so they don't interfere with your work."

"Yes Dr. Weaver" Carter knew that he was in the wrong so he just agreed with Dr. Weaver.

"Now get back to work"

Carter went back into see Mrs Evans.

"Haleh have you got this covered" he said

"Yeah but we need you to check something out."

"Give me two seconds" he left the room and headed for the lounge. He needed some coffee.

~~~

"So I was like you know……………..what is your problem man? Just because you've been here longer than me doesn't give you the right to mess with me."

"That's not like John at all"

"I'm telling you Debs he is losing it……………big time."

"I'm losing it huh Dave…………thanks," Carter said as he walked in the lounge.

"John, hey" Jing Mei greeted him with a smile.

"Well pardon me for being rude but this is nothing compared to what you gave me this morning" Dave continued.

"Okay Dave I'm sorry I should have asked you first."

"Thank you………I got to get this up to Dr. Benton before he throws a wobbly on me" He left the room leaving just Carter and Jing Mei.

"John……………is there anything bothering you?" Jing Mei said after a short period of silence. Carter stared at her.

"You couldn't begin to imagine Deb." Was all he managed to say

"You can talk to me you know………I've actually been wanting to talk to someone about a few things…. you know someone who understands what I'm going through."

"I'd be happy to listen Deb" he smiled at her.

"I got in touch with Linda again about the baby………..you know and I just I felt really helpless you. I could hear him crying in the background"

"They are giving him a good home you know."

"I know"

They were interrupted by Abby.

"Dr. Chen I got that number for you and you better come quick Mrs. Kelly's playing up again."

"I got to go we'll talk soon John."

Carter was not happy about the fact that he was in the same room as Abby. He felt very uncomfortable.

"I didn't interrupt anything did I? " Abby asked.

"No not really we were you know just talking."

"Right…"

"Carter…"

"Abby"

The spoke at the same time

"Okay um you go first……… go on" Abby said

"Well I was wondering if you were free tonight?"

"Um………….tonight……………well I don't know"

  
"It's just that I have this meeting and I have to take my sponsor…and I was wondering if you'd go with me."

"Carter………"she hesitated for a while and then said, "What time is the meeting?"

"6:30 I checked your schedule you're off at 5"

"Do you think it will help if I come along?" Abby asked.

"Well actually it's my last meeting you know then that's it I don't have to go anymore."

"Okay well I guess I could come along"

~~~

"You know I feel like I should have given up going to those meetings a long time ago."

"Why do you say that?" Abby said

"I mean I know I may never be completely cured but going to those meeting it really puts you back in that position when you were getting high."

Carter and Abby had just gotten back from the meeting and were now discussing it over a cup of coffee.

"I guess I can understand that…………I kept going to my meetings even after I was sober for a year and then I finally gave up, well at least I thought I gave up. I guess they can become addictive."

"The most overwhelming part is where you have to share and you know you can't get out of it because you've got like all these people staring at you hanging onto your every word."

" Tell me about it" Abby said. "I had this one time…………when I had to share right……….. And this guy comes up to me later on and tells me that I made all that up…and I was like what? It was quite hilarious because I spent the next half hour convincing him that I actually was a recovering drunk and you know attending these meetings wasn't just my idea of a pastime because my life was just so boring……………I can't believe I let him ramble on at me like that and then you know he stared to have a dig at my love life and I think I wanted to whack him one."

Carter was laughing.

"That would have been really funny, mind you I can't see you getting physical with anyone."

"Oh really." Then Abby burst out laughing. "I can't picture it either."

Their coffees had arrived. Carter thanked the waitress and then turned his attention back to Abby.

"You know I got this really interesting story about my senior prom at high school." Abby was saying, "I was involved in this fight you know. I kind of stirred up some trouble"

"Abby!"

"I know but that was the fun part. These proms were like so boring someone had to spice them up………so I used to um tell people these stories about their boyfriends and you know they weren't even believable stories and these girl would believe me…they were so gullible"

"Looks like you had your fair share of fun in high school"

"You know I don't look back on it with regret. They were good memories, it's the few years after that that I like to forget including my time with Richard."

"He can't have been that bad."

"Oh he was worse."

"Only three days into the marriage and I was wondering why the hell I married him. I actually felt like he'd gotten me drunk on the wedding day and gotten said the vows, of course I know now that I was completely sane when I married him so I guess it is partly my fault."

"People make mistakes…………they can only try and get over them"

"Well it took me four years to get over the mistake of Richard, mind you I have been told that if I hate him so much I should probably change my last name."

"Oh…Lockhart is your married name."

"Unfortunately yes………I never changed it only because my maiden name is so weird Wyzinski. I prefer Lockhart and plus that's how everyone knows me now………….so what's the point of changing it" Abby took a sip of her coffee "Wow you know by the way we've been chatting away tonight no one would have guessed we were in the middle of a situation…" Abby stopped talking when she noticed Carter's expression change. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to………"

"Its okay……….we really shouldn't spoil such a wonderful evening by getting into that discussion. I mean I know where I stand now………..and I have to try and get over that."

"Well to be honest with you Carter I'm beginning to wonder where I stand in all this. I just realised you know how comfortable I feel around you. I don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not."

"What are you saying that you can't be yourself with Luka?"

"No not that…………I'm saying that I haven't been able to give myself completely to Luka, you know it's like my heart feels incomplete, that's why I'm having to lie to him every time I meet with you. I feel like something is going on between us even though there isn't"

"That's' exactly how I've been feeling …………well since I realised that I had feelings for you. I felt that if I continued to be your friend I would eventually be the reason that you and Luka broke up and I didn't want that"

"Well I don't know what I want anymore Carter. Luka has been so good to me…………and I don't want to hurt him but you know when I see you I can't be myself and I start behaving all funny with Luka, he's not stupid Carter."

"I never said he was stupid…I just don't think he knows how lucky he is to have you…because if I were him I'd never want to let you go."

They held each other's gaze for a while as if to tell each other that they both felt the same way. Abby looked away first and grabbed her coat and walked out of the coffee house. Carter followed her and called out her name.

"Abby wait…………I'm sorry"

Abby turned around and looked at him. She went to him not taking her eyes off his face. She reached him and was standing a few inches from him, there faces nearly touching. She lifted her face up to his, a few inches closer and there lips would meet. She could feel his warm breath on her cheek. He bent down and pressed his lips against her, that was all Abby needed, She kissed him passionately not wanting it to end. It sent chills right to the back of her spine but it felt good. She was melting as he deepened the kiss. She came up for a breather, looked at him and smiled before they melted into another long passionate kiss. She was feeling his temperature rise and her breathing was getting faster. Then Carter stopped.

"You want to come back to my place." Abby looked up at him as if she was surprised at his request.

She took his hand and they made their way down the street, towards the car park. Abby had no idea where the night would lead her but it felt right and right now she didn't really care about much else.


	4. chapter 4

Carter lay awake in his bed

Carter lay awake in his bed. He turned his head to see Abby fast asleep next to him. _Wow _he thought, _she's so beautiful and_ _I can't believe I'm actually waking up with her_. He had to admit it was a great feeling. He couldn't seem to take his eyes of her perfect face. He felt like caressing her skin gently but he chose not to, instead he planted a very light kiss on her cheek. She stirred a little but wasn't quite awake yet. Carter wondered if she would have a huge shock when she saw him and realised she was in his apartment. _Would she freak out? _But Carter knew that the previous night Abby had willingly agreed to come back to his place. She had kissed him. Did this mean that she wanted him? Well he'd probably have to wait for her to wake up before he found out. About an hour later Abby woke up and stretched her arms. She wasn't in her bed? She was at Carter's and she'd spent the night with him?

"Oh god!" she muttered a little too loudly. Carter who had gone back to sleep turned around to face her.

"Hey sleepyhead" Abby stared at him sheepishly "You okay?" he continued.

"What did we do?" Abby exclaimed.

"Well I think it's obvious don't you?" Carter said not taking her seriously.

"I know that but why did we do it?"

"I don't know I was hoping you were going to tell me."

"I need to go." Abby began to get out of her bed "okay I need to find my clothes."

"Abby no…look you can't go at least let me cook you breakfast. You grab a shower get changed and I'll go make breakfast."

"I can't stay Carter."

"Why not?"

"Because…………I don't know, this feels really awkward."

"Not for me…look just go and take a shower."

~~~

Abby felt a little calmer after the shower. She quickly changed into her clothes and headed out of the room. Carter was eating some toast while reading the morning paper. 

"Can I get some coffee?" Abby said as she walked past him. Carter pointed to the coffee pot.

"Nothing like a nice strong cup of coffee to start the day." he said, Abby didn't say anything, then without thinking Carter straight out asked her the question that had been bugging him.

"Do you regret last night?"

"I should…but I don't, that answer your question" Abby said.

"So it wasn't a mistake that you'd rather forget."

"Well let's just say I'm really really confused about the next step. I mean can we ignore this."

He shook his head and she nodded agreeing with her.

~~~

"Okay well if you want to get it off your chest I'm all ears" Jing Mei Chen was saying to Carter that day after work. They were having coffee in the lounge"

Without hesitation Carter told Chen about Abby.

"I told Abby that I loved her."

"What?" Chen nearly spat out the coffee she was drinking

"Abby?"

"Yes Abby?"

"Carter I had no idea you felt that way about her………..and anyway isn't she with Luka…."

"Yeah but I guess she can't love him that much……….I think she feels the same way about me"

"Last night we had this totally awesome conversation……….."He ran a hand through his hair and paced back and forth" I know it sounds really ridiculous but it's what want really…Debs I can't begin explain how I feel about Abby…but I know this much I love her…I fell like I can be myself around her and we don't hold back anything from each other. I just want her to realise this you know…to give us a chance because I think I can make her happy…"

~~~

Abby ran out of County General as fast as she could. Tears streaming down her cheeks, her emotions everywhere. She was a nervous wreck, thank god Luka wouldn't be able to see her like this, and he'd had an earlier shift. Why had she been so stupid? Why had she eavesdropped on someone else's conversation obviously a conversation about her!!! She thought she'd had a right to listen if people were talking about her………but hearing Carter say all those thing about her was just so painful. I mean she should feel great and she certainly shouldn't be crying about it. People like to hear it when others express their love for them but somehow hearing Carter talk about it with another person made it so much more real. More real that she thought it could possibly be and the reason she was so upset about it was she knew she wasn't going to be able to let this one go lying down especially not after sleeping with him. As she stepped out into the broad daylight, she didn't feel her tears lessen nor did she feel any less insecure about things, when she had heard Carter express his feelings for her to Dr. Chen it was so overwhelming it was part of what was setting her off on a fresh round of tears.

She carried on walking; she had no idea where she was headed, somewhere quite where she could be alone. She came to the bench near the riverside. It seemed pretty isolated so she sat down and almost immediately buried her hands in her face and cried. She didn't realise how long she had been sat there crying until she felt a hand touch her on the back of her neck and then she heard a familiar voice.

"Abby are you okay?" It was Cleo. _What was she doing here _Abby thought? At first Abby wasn't sure what to say.

"You look a little upset" _Well duh_ Abby again thought to herself. _How dense was this woman?_

"I'm okay," she said quickly trying to dry her tears with her sleeve but she had a feeling Cleo had seen her cry. 

"You don't look it"

_Don't you have somewhere you have to be _Abby felt like screaming out but didn't.

"Really I'm okay. I'm just…. well doing some thinking and if you don't mind I'd rather do that alone"

"Sure I didn't mean to intrude on your privacy I was just concerned."

"Well thank you very much for your concern" Abby said sarcastically.

"Fine be like that." saying that Cleo walked off. Before Abby had a chance to make any sort of apology Cleo had walked off into the distance and once again it was just Abby sitting alone near the riverside

~~~

"Yeah that would be so great plus it feels like ages since I've seen you……………..busy no just the usual………..Do I really need an excuse to visit my brother?…………..so yeah I will see you in a couple of days………okay I've got to go there's someone at the door………take care…. bye"

Abby opened her door to come face to face with Luka. Well what did she expect to never see him again? I mean officially there were still a couple. She let him in. Before she could say anymore Luka leaned in and gave her a passionate kiss until she pulled back from him. He didn't seem to mind.

"So um have you given any thought to what I said earlier" Abby was puzzled. _What had he said earlier?_ She had no clue.

"Um no I haven't had much time to think lately things have been a bit hectic" Was now the right time to tell him she was going to Florida for a few days? "Actually there's something I wanted to tell you"

"Oh what?"

"Um I'm going away to Florida for a few days to see my brother…………I leave in three days."

"Right when did you decide this" _When I realised what an impossible situation I'm in right now or because I'm a coward but to Luka she thought._

"I need a break from my hectic life" she told Luka.

"I see………….it just seems a little too soon…I mean there's not a problem with your mum or anything?"  
  


"No everything's pretty much okay on that front."

"So you're just going to see your brother."

"Yeah…I miss him you know." Abby heard her phone ring in the distance.

"Excuse Me," she said to Luka.

"Hello…………um hi……………….no not right now………….later………….it's not a good time" she hung up.

"Who was that?" Luka asked almost immediately.

"Oh you know one of those survey calls where they want to try and sell you something."

"Abby…………correct me if I'm wrong but I get the feeling you don't want me to be here right now."

"No……….no that's not it."

"But there is a problem." Luka prompted

"No I just have to pack." _What a dumb excuse _she thought.

"So you can't spend even five minutes with me before you jet of to Florida"

"I'm not jetting if to Florida?" Abby snapped. She didn't like his tone of voice.

"Fine………I'll see myself out then." Luka began to leave.

"Luka listen to me………… I need to go away to think a few things through."

"Well why didn't you just tell me that in the first place."

"Because you'd just try and get me to talk to you and…I…"

"You can't talk to me about whatever it is that's bothering you…that's fine I understand"

"You do?"

"Yes absolutely…have you tried talking to anyone about it………Carter maybe,"

"Carter!" Abby knew that Luka must have noticed her tone of voice as he mentioned Carter."

"Yes I mean he's your friend right he might be able to help you better than I do."

Abby was really confused by Luka's tone. Was he being sarcastic? Trying to tell her that she would rather go to Carter with a problem then to him.

"Luka…I never said that I couldn't talk to you about this. It's just that I'd rather think it through on my own first."

"Yeah I know…. I'm sorry………..I didn't mean to go on about Carter. I do respect that he's your friend."

"Then can we just drop this whole conversation?"

~~~

Carter knew Luka had to be there with her, he knew it why else would she have cut him off like that. Carter desperately wanted to see Abby. It was such a strong urge that he could almost seem himself pulling his hair out over it.

"God Abby why can't you see that we are meant to be……….. I know you need time but I can't wait much longer."

Carter heard a soft knock on his door. He opened it slowly as if he couldn't possible have imagined Abby would be standing there but she was.

"Hi" she said.

"Hi, I was just thinking about you"

"Yeah me too…about you I mean." She cleared her throat

"You better come in" 

"I didn't really think it was a good idea my coming here…………but I went against my better judgement and I'm here anyway."

"Abby why are we still acting like this…………why does it have to be like this every time we meet like we're doing something wrong? Because it sure as hell doesn't feel wrong."

"Carter I'm just here to tell you that I'm leaving town for a few days. I'm um going to Florida to see Eric."

"Right to see Eric," he sounded like he didn't believe her

"Yes to see Eric" Abby said

"It has nothing to do with the fact that you want to avoid this situation we're in Abby… you told me that you didn't regret last night."

"Yes I did but that doesn't mean that I have to ignore the consequences of my actions. There's not just you and me to think about here you know."

"So you're just going to take off."

"I have to…and hopefully when I get back things will be a little bit more clearer for me………..Goodbye Carter" She leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek but he grabbed the moment and pressed his lips down hard on hers and she couldn't resist. She then pulled back.

"Bye Carter………..I'll talk to you soon" but to Carter it seemed like he may never see her again


	5. chapter 5

Three days had gone by so quickly for Abby Lockhart, now Florida seemed a million miles away but her problems still loomed ahe

Three days had gone by so quickly for Abby Lockhart, now Florida seemed a million miles away but her problems still loomed ahead of her, largely unsolved and hanging on to her every thought. She wished she could have stayed longer in Florida but then she couldn't afford to be taking too much time of work, as if she could even concentrate on work anymore. Abby pursed her lips slightly. She was feeling very thirsty indeed. She grabbed herself a glass of water and then went by the window. She just stood there for a few minutes; she could just about make out three figures below, probably some kids playing ball or something. Abby hated thinking about her childhood if she could even call it that. She felt like she had grown up too quickly so that she could look after her mum, and the funny thing was she couldn't even turn to her mum when she was about to make the biggest decision in her life. Suddenly Abby froze where she was. What had she just thought? The biggest decision in her life, did that mean she had made a decision? She wasn't so sure?

~~~

"Carter, a quick word please…in private" Dr. Weaver said to Carter early that morning at County General.

"Sure, I'll just finish off here"

"Haleh can take care of it."

"Fine" He followed Dr. Weaver into the lounge.

"Have a seat" she said "Your probably wondering what this is about…how can I put this…Carter is there anything bothering you…something to do with work maybe, are you finding the night shifts too much?"

"No not at all. Why do you ask?"

"I'm not sure really…. something about your behaviour recently just doesn't sit right with me."

Carter stopped her

"Are you suggesting that I'm back on drugs again Dr. Weaver because if you were I would be very offended"

"No no one is accusing you of anything. We are just concerned that's all"

"We?"

"Well yes some of the staff has noticed some mood swings lately"

"Oh come on everybody has an off day"

"Yes I'm aware of that…. but………."

"But you've seen something more weird about my behaviour"

"There is no need to lose your temper John"

"Well I think I have every right to lose my temper. You know nothing about me or my life and don't even pretend that you care when you don't" saying that he stormed out before Dr. Weaver could say anything more.

~~~

Carter was heading out of County General that same day. He was so glad his shift was over; all he wanted to do was go home and get some sleep. 

"Carter" he heard someone call his name and he turned around. _Oh no_ he thought. It was Luka.

"Can I have word?"

"No I'm heading home can't it wait till tomorrow."

  
"No it's important" Luka said

"Fine"

"It's about Abby"

"What about her?"

"You are aware that she went to Florida for a few days."

"Yeah she might have mentioned it…" he tried to sound as casual as he could about it.

"I wanted to ask you if you have any idea what's going with her lately that's all. I mean I realise you too are close friends."

"She hasn't told me anything" the lies just kept coming "in fact I can't remember the last time Abby and I had a serious chat" he wondered why he'd just said that. Well he was hardly in a position to tell Luka that he was in love with his girlfriend and couldn't stop thinking about her 24/7.

"I'm sorry to put you in this position Carter…but I can't seem to get through to her"

"Abby's like that sometimes, maybe you should try a little harder." Luka seemed to agree with him and then headed off home.

~~~

"I have to call him…I have to" Abby was still in her apartment on her fifth cup of coffee; well it was better than five cigarettes. She picked up the phone then put it down. "I need more time……….but I have to do this. If I put it off any longer it's just going to get harder." Again she picked up the phone but this time she didn't put it down instead she dialled Luka's number and waited for him to answer but he didn't his answering machine picked up so Abby left a message for him.

"Hi Luka it's me Abby…listen I need to see you so um can you pop by and see me sometime…okay well I'll talk to you soon." Abby put the phone down very quickly and then she looked at her reflection in the mirror. The only thing that could possibly comfort her now was…a cigarette.

~~~

"You wanted to see me?" was the first thing Luka said when he met Abby the next day.

"Yes I did."

"Okay well what is it?" _Why did he have to get to the point so quickly whatever happened to small talk _Abby thought.

"Right well I'm going to just say it okay…………I don't think we are working out"

Luka didn't say anything just stared at her blankly. This was not the kind of reaction she had expected.

"I don't feel like we understand each other as well as we should and I feel that dragging this on isn't going to make things better" she continued.

"So we're over," he finally said.

"No I'd prefer it if we take a break for a while."

"Just say it Abby it's finished you want me out of your life."

"That's not what I said."

"Listen to yourself Abby…"

"Luka I'm doing this for both of us."

"Right I see, well I guess there is nothing more to say. I'll see you at work tomorrow" he left the apartment not once looking back.

~~~

Abby was shocked at how calm she'd stayed in the situation, there was so much more she'd wanted to say to Luka but the words just hadn't come out. Was he ever going to talk to her again? Abby at least expected herself to feel some resentment towards herself for ending her relationship with Luka but she didn't, instead she just felt like a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

~~~

Three days is a long time, maybe she will have made a decision about her future with me or with Luka, that Carter did not want to think about. He missed her so much. She was due back today. Would she call him to tell him that he meant nothing to her? And that she loved Luka.Carter knew that Abby did have some feelings for him, they became evident that night when she had kissed him outside the coffee house, the sheer passion of that kiss and that night had been pure pleasure and Carter knew that Abby wasn't the type to just use someone. Maybe he would see her at work tomorrow.

~~~

"Welcome back Abby…I got you a patient to see" DR. Weaver greeted her the next day

"Already" Abby graoned.

"I'm afraid so…. your holiday ended when you walked through that door" Abby saw the smirk Dr. Weaver gave her before she walked off.

Abby headed for the admit desk.

"Yo Abby How was Florida?" Chuny asked her.

"Fine" she replied

"I could do with a holiday myself"

"We all could Chuny…but hey someone's got to work." It was Carter. Abby smiled at him and he smiled back.

"Abby" he said as he tried to get past her. She hadn't realised she was in his way.She moved away still staring at him. She turned around to see Chuny giving her the eye. She brushed her off with a look back.

"Chuney has anyone seen to Mr. Holden yet…apparently he was supposed to go to the OR 20 minutes ago." Carter was saying

"I think Dr Benton's dealing with that."

"I better go track him down"

As Carter left he passed Luka who was making his way to the desk. Abby saw him and busied herself in the corner.

"Haleh I need some help in trauma two…" he paused as he saw Abby.

"On second thoughts I'll come with you" he said then made his way back to trauma two.

Abby turned around when she knew Luka was gone. Great now she was stuck avoiding him and she'd failed to say anything to Carter. She wondered if she should say anything to Carter about her break up with Luka before he heard it from someone else.

~~~

"I told you Dr. Weaver I'm okay now…. I realise I shouldn't have walked out on you like that it won't happen again."

"Not a problem, you look a little better today" but Carter hadn't heard her he was distracted by Abby. She was looking at him too.

"Carter…" Dr. Weaver turned around to see what Carter was staring at.

"Uh hem" she cleared her throat.

"I'm sorry you were saying?"

"It doesn't matter…"

_Great now Weaver was getting suss about things_ he thought

~~~

"Hey you…are you with us today"

"Yeah sure"

"…John you should go talk to her" Jing Mei said, genuinely concerned for her friend

"I can't"

"Why not?"

"Because I'm afraid Debs afraid of what she might say"

"Wouldn't you rather know?"

  
"Yes but I don't think I could handle the rejection."

"Well you won't know until you ask her… go on"

~~~

"Um Dr. Carter needs some help in Curtain 3 apart from that it's pretty quite" Dr. Weaver told Abby later that day.

Okay so she had the perfect opportunity to talk to Carter. She headed for Curtain three.

When she entered she saw Carter but he hadn't seen her. He had his back to her and he was talking to an old lady.

"I think it's just a case of mild flu…I'll fix you up with some antibiotics okay"

"I've been having constant stomach pains too," the old woman said.

"I see" well I'll look into that. At this point he saw Abby.

"I'm sorry Dr. Weaver said you needed some help."

"Yep, just take this woman's blood pressure and sign her off"

"That's it"

"Yep" he said handing her the clipboard.

~~~

Abby was finishing up with the old lady when Carter came back in.

"You finished in here" he asked.

"Just about"

"You wanna grab a coffee"

"Um sure"

Grabbing a coffee wasn't an unusual concept to either Carter or Abby, before it had just been friendly chats about everyday things but now it could never be just that. Abby decided she should be the one to bring up Florida.

"So um…I guess I should tell you about Florida."

"Oh yeah how was it? How's your brother?"Abby hated it when Carter wasn't himself with her. She could see right through him.

"Eric is fine"

"That's good…I mean that's nice to know. I mean you had a good time. Abby sensed that he was at a loss of words.

"Carter can I ask you something?"

"Sure"

"Okay um…………what did you think about while I was away?"

"Um…well nothing really. Stuff." Abby looked at him "okay well I guess I thought about you…a lot"

"Yeah me too…I mean I thought about you and you know what I realised something……….that I care for you a lot more than I knew………."

"Well absence does make the heart grow fonder"

"No it was more than that…you know this sense of loneliness"

  
"I know what you mean…when you want too talk to someone so bad but they're just not there."

"Yes…that's it"

"Well you weren't the only one I felt alone the whole time you were gone…I think I started to act a little weird well according to Weaver but you know Weaver she's like that." Abby smiled slightly.

"Don't you wish you could hold onto one moment forever and just never have to face up to the possibilities of what happens next"

"Yeah I get that too……….. a lot"

"Where are we going with this Carter?"

"I don't know…you hold all the answers Abby."

"I broke up with Luka last night" she blurted out.

"What?" Carter was surprised.

"I broke up with Luka" she repeated it.

"Why?" _Did he even have to ask?_

"Because it was the right thing to do…because I couldn't stand to lie to him anymore or because I couldn't stand lying to myself anymore"

"How did he take it?"

"He walked out."

"I'm sorry"

  
"Don't be. I guess it had to end someday."

"Well if you want to talk about it"

"Talk about it…Carter, why are you still acting like this as if we're still best friends or something?"

"Well we are aren't we?"

"You know what I mean. You're being so casual about all this as if it doesn't concern you."

"I'm just trying to help"

"Well your not…because I don't think you can just become my friend when it suits you…that's not fair on me."

"Abby I'm confused."

"Damn right you are. I have spent three days, three days thinking about no one but you….and you tell me you want to be my best friend. That is just so typical."

"Abby I never said that……….you just seemed upset about Luka"

"Well maybe I'm upset by how you're handling this"

"Okay forget that I said anything about being your friend."

"Carter I don't want to be your friend why can't you get that………I want to be so much more…………..can't you see what I'm trying to say"

"I see it Abby"

He held his arms out to her and she hugged him.

"Oh god you know I was wondering how long I would go on without this" She held onto him tightly and then she kissed him with all she had inside her. This was what she wanted. Carter kept kissing her; it was hard to believe that this was happening. As they continued to kiss Carter spotted a shadow in the background and before he could see what it was it had gone.

As they stood there holding each other not wanting the moment to end. Carter spoke first

"Abby I think I just saw someone over there"

"Where?" Abby turned around.

"Behind the tree…………I have a feeling it was Luka.

"Oh my god know it can't have been him…………..did you get a good look"

"I think so………..someone with a black coat"

"No…Carter this can't be happening………he can't find out like this………I have to go after him" and before Carter could stop her Abby had disappeared.


	6. chapter 6

"Abby

"Abby, wait up" Carter called out to her but it was too late Abby had disappeared after Luka. All he could do now was wait for her to get back to him and hope that the situation didn't get more complicated than it already was. He made his way back to County General

~~~

"Luka…………..Luka you have to listen to me." Abby grabbed Luka's coat. He turned to face her.

"What?" he said rather sharply. He was surprised to see her.

"I think you should give me a chance to explain things"

"I don't want to hear it." _Wasn't it enough she had ended their relationship? What more could she want from him?_

"Luka we didn't mean for you to find out this way."

Luka was confused so he decided to go along with Abby, _Just what was he not meant to find out._

"It………..it just happened……… I wanted to keep it as just friends but I just couldn't help myself I guess…no that's not an excuse………"

"I see"

"So you see what happened by the riverside was just…bad timing I guess on all our parts. I shouldn't even have been there and Carter…"

Luka decided to take the initiative.

"Some coincidence that you two were at the river at the same time…when I happened to be walking by" Luka added hoping she would reveal more. Obviously it had something to do with Carter and he wanted to find out.

"Are you suggesting we planned this…………Luka I would have never kissed him if I knew you were there."

"You kissed him!!!" Abby noticed Luka's voice raise

She put a hand to her mouth "You didn't see us."

"No I didn't but thanks for telling me everything is starting to make sense now…"

"No it's not like that" she began to protest.

"I don't care how it is Abby, you used me, you took advantage of me ………and for what to get closer to Carter…I should have seen it coming…………..Carter of all people and all that time you told me he was your friend I believed you"

"He was my friend…we didn't expect this to happen…………"

"But it did anyway………………..and then when it suited you, you decided to break up with me."

"Luka

"I think you should go."

"I need………"

"Just go………………"

Abby had no choice but to leave. She had done enough damage to last Luka a lifetime.

~~~ 

"I don't expect you to run off in the middle of a shift…"

"I'm sorry…something came up" Abby said distractedly.

"And I suppose you didn't think to tell someone where you were."

"Dr. Weaver………..I don't know what else to say"

"Well you can start by seeing these two patients…now!"

"Okay………"

"Oh and if you see Luka can you tell him that I need to see him about Mr. Granger, he'll know what I'm talking about."

_ Tell Luka_ , she would be the last person to see him. She looked down at the clipboard and the glanced up again hoping to see Carter.

~~~ 

"I'm sorry if you felt like I intruded or something…but you know it's a free country"

"Dave………..I can't believe this."

"What………….so I saw you guys…doesn't mean I'm gonna spread it round………..although it may cost you" he smirked

"That's it Dave. I mean it." Abby interrupted them.

"Hey you" Dave joked, "I know your secret"

"What?" she snapped at Dave. She was in no mood for his jokes.

"Never mind Carter will fill you in" he walked off.

"We have a problem Carter" Abby said as soon as they were alone

"I know……………um Dave saw us this morning…………not Luka"

"Yeah I wondered who that was because it wasn't Luka"

"You talked to him."

"Yeah."

"You told him about us?"

"Yes I told him."

"How'd he take it?"

"Not good…he was crushed, well I can't say I am surprised……………is um Dave gonna say anything…"

"I hope not because if he does…

"Carter what am I going to do? I thought I did the right thing and now."

"Your having doubts about us."

"I don't know………..it's just that when I saw Luka and how hurt he was……….."

"You said you weren't surprised at his reaction."

"I……I wasn't but I still feel bad about it."

"Do you want me to talk to him?"

"No don't in fact if I were you I would try to avoid him for a few days"

"Well that may be hard to do seeing as we work in the same place"

"Just try okay……….I have to go"

"I'll see you after work then"

"Whatever" Abby muttered

~~~

"Look Dave all I'm asking is you don't say anything to anyone"

"Ohhhhhhhhhhh someone's got a guilty conscience…"

"Dave!" Carter's patience was wearing really thin with Dave.

"Okay I won't say anything…………but if you push me."

Carter left the lounge hoping he'd convinced Dave not to say anything. How could he have mistaken Dave for Luka? He really was messed up, and to top it all off Abby was having doubts about them. He had to talk to her… And try and be as supportive as possible. He saw Luka talking to Dr. Weaver across the hallway and then Luka's gaze caught his. Carter didn't notice hate or anger in his eyes. Abby was right this guy was totally crushed but what could he do about it? Explain to him that it was a mistake just a stupid kiss and that he wasn't in love with Abby. He just wasn't ready to walk away from it all. "I'm sorry Luka" he said to himself "I really am" then he thought about the possibility of Abby going back to Luka but shrugged it off instantly.

~~~

At the end of his shift that day Carter waited for Abby to finish but he didn't see her. He did see Luka once or twice and both times he felt uncomfortable. They hadn't yet spoken since he had found out about him and Abby.

"Carter, you of home" Dr. Weaver asked as she approached him.

"Yeah just about"

"Have you seen Abby about?" Carter asked

"Um Sutre room………..I think that's where she is."

"I might just go catch up with her"

~~~

Carter entered the Sutre room and saw Abby with her back to him. She was busy placing some bandages in a box

"Hey" he said hoping to get her attention.

"Hey" she answered. She still had her back to him.

"I was waiting for you outside. I thought you were finished for the day"

"I'm gonna be here for another hour or so"

"In the sutre room…can't it wait…I mean it's not urgent or anything"

"No…I need to be alone right now"

"Okay…" he headed out of the room slightly hurt but Abby stopped him.

"If you wait five minutes I'll finish here and grab my coat" She smiled slightly at him.

"Sure. I'll be outside whenever you're ready."

Abby tried to regain her composure after Carter had left. She was pretty sure Carter would have seen that's she had been crying, but he hadn't. She was glad at least that way he wouldn't fuss over her or maybe she would have liked it if he did fuss over her. That was what she liked about him the most, he always kept on at her asking her how she was and in the end she caved in like she had jut now. She knew that he didn't do it on purpose it was just the kind of person he was, and her well, she was just a hypocritical two-faced bitch.

~~~

"Got your coat" Carter greeted Abby in the hallway a few minutes later.

"Yeah" he was smiling at her and Abby couldn't help but smile back

"Has Luka gone yet?" Abby felt like she wouldn't be able to relax if she knew Luka was still in the hospital.

"He left about an hour ago…so um do you wanna go anywhere in particular" Carter was desperate to change the subject as he knew it made Abby uncomfortable.

"I'm not bothered" 

"My place."

"Fine" Abby left County General with Carter. She didn't know what they'd end up doing, talking about Luka or discussing how things were between them, anything was better than going home to an empty apartment.

~~~

Carter's apartment was in pretty good shape. Abby thought as she entered. Well since the last time she's seen it.

"Do you mind if I have a cigarette" she asked.

"You just had one.," he said sitting down on the couch nearby.

"I know but I'm stressed. I can't help myself."

"Okay"

Abby lit up her cigarette and took a long puff as Carter watched her.

"You gonna watch me smoke this damn thing."

"Got nothing better to do…maybe I'll just watch some TV"

"Good idea."

Carter flicked the channels on his remote and tried to watch something but he couldn't seem to take his eyes off Abby

Abby spoke.

"You know I heard from Eric yesterday. I'm sure I told you this but anyway my mother is well I guess she's seeking attention again, nothing major you know the usual tantrums locks herself in the bathroom…………"

"Is she taking her medicine?"

"We wouldn't have all these problems if she took them when she's supposed to, she only ever takes then after she's driven you over the brink which she's probably done to Eric."

"You didn't see her when you went to Florida?"

"No…she was getting special help. Eric set her up on this program for a month…he actually convinced her to go……….she usually refuses any help she gets…I just feel so guilty with Eric having to deal with everything…I mean since we were little we used to always tell each other we were in this together…somehow it became more bearable that way……………."

She stubbed out her cigarette the got up as if to leave the apartment.

"Sorry can I um use your bathroom"

"Yeah, you know where it is"

She gave him a knowing look and headed for the bathroom.

Carter laid his head back on the sofa……….then he heard the phone ring.

"Hello…hi gamma…..hey it's good to hear from you…….me I'm good you know nothing changes……….yeah…………….really…………I would like that when? This Sunday no I don't think I'm working………what's the occasion2 Abby had walked back in the living room

"Yeah that's not a problem gamma I'll be there……….okay right yeah give grandpa my love and I'll see you Sunday" he hung up

"That was my gamma," he said to Abby "I've got to go to this dinner she's having on Sunday."

"Lucky you" Abby saw his expression "Or not so lucky you she added.

"Okay it's just not my thing. I mean I love spending time with gamma, it's a lot of fun but these big gatherings they always turn out to be a lot more than you anticipated it to be."

"Like the charity ball which was no big deal."

"Yeah exactly like that. that's why I don't believe my gamma when she says it's no big deal because when she says five guests she really means five hundred"

"Is it s a special occasion or something?"

"She wouldn't say"

"Well maybe it's just what you need you know a night out"

"Yeah a night out with people I can actually have a decent conversation without falling asleep"

"I'm sure it won't be that bad anyway you told your grandmother you would be there…can't go back on your word now"

"Will you go with me?" Carter hadn't expected to ask Abby to go with him but the words had come out before he had a chance to think about phrasing it right.

"Carter it's a family thing. I wasn't invited"

"Doesn't matter…anyway you haven't met gamma yet, you have to meet her"

"No really I don't think I should…I'm not that much of a family dinner person"

"It's not a family dinner I told you…It's gonna be something completely different trust me I know……look you would really be doing me a huge favour if you came."

"Like I did the last time" Abby said sarcastically.

"Okay don't come then. I'll find someway to entertain myself"

Abby went closer to him.

"I'm just teasing"

"So you'll come"

She nodded sheepishly

But I'm gonna end up regretting it if we end up with a bunch of snobs

"Oh we won't" they both looked at each other and laughed

~~~

Carter was actually looking forward to Sunday, now that Abby had agreed to go with him that way if he did get bored of the company he knew he could always stare at Abby.

"Earth to Dr. Carter" he recognised Dr. Chen's voice.

"Hey…I'm sorry did you say something

"Uh huh………I need to ask you something"

"Go ahead"

"Well actually I need you to see a patient for me………he's really causing a lot of problems."

"Get a nurse to help."

"John, please………"

"Okay okay give me a minute"

Carter passed Abby on his way to see Dr. Chen's patient

"Oh Carter I was meaning to ask you about Sunday is it formal" Abby asked

Carter looked at her and smiled. He recalled the last charity date that Abby had agreed to go with him and he's forgotten to mention that it was formal."

"It's formal…"

"Okay well at least I have time to pick up a dress" Abby said.

~~~

Carter was smiling to himself as he walked towards curtain two to see the patient. He drew back the curtain to see Luka tending to a patient.

"I'm sorry…is this Dr. Chen's patient."

"Yes it was, but I'm taking care of it." Luka answered

"Okay its just Debs asked me to look at it."

"And I made it clear that if Weaver isn't around she has to check with whoever's attending"

"Fine" Carter walked away quickly clearly trying to avoid an argument with Luka. Still at least the guy had something to feel good, about his head position.

"Carter" he turned around as he heard his name mentioned. It was Luka

"Yeah"

"You can finish him up when he comes round, I gave him 5 of haldol, that should keep him quite for a while…if you can't handle it you can always get Abby to help. Carter wasn't sure if Luka was having a dig at him

"I'm sure I'll manage…. thanks" Luka walked off.

~~~

"Haleh I need some help in exam one…Dave's gone on walkabout and there's no one else free"

"Well I'm not a doctor" Haleh said

"I know I was hoping you could help me find someone Where's Dr. Green"

"Not in today………….oh look there's Dr. Kovac" before Abby could say anything Haleh was explaining to Luka that Abby needed some help and also that Malucci had disappeared."

Abby led Luka to trauma three

"I don't know where Dave went.. I mean does he expect me to handle this alone. They both entered trauma three and Dave was there with a stable patient. Luka looked at Abby.

"Where did you get to?" she asked Dave

"I had something to take care of."

"Something that's more important than a patient"

"Well hey come one we all do it I thought you could handle it…she can't handle it " he said looking at Luka who walked off without saying anything.

"Thanks a lot Dave"

"Why what did I do"

"Never mind"

~~~

"No I don't think so…can I have another look at that green one seeing as you don't have anything affordable in black"

"Sure well we do have this one…. but I don't think it will suit you miss."

"I'll be the judge of that," Abby said as she snatched the dresses of the sales assistant.

So far she had been to several stores looking for a suitable dress to wear to this dinner on Sunday and she'd had no luck and then in the store where she thought she might find something the assistants were trying to put her off. Abby made her way to the changing room. She never knew that looking for a dress would be so hard, but the fact was that she didn't own a single formal dress, last time she's ended up wearing an old bridesmaid's dress that Richard her ex later had a dig at her about, the last thing she'd want was to end up looking like a fool in from to Carter's grandparents. She was actually looking forward to the event. 

"Hey Abby"

"Hi Cleo…small world huh" Abby said as she noticed Cleo

"I guess there are only that may bargain shops here in Chicago"

"You shopping for anything in particular" Abby asked.

"Well no………..okay yeah, Peter's planned this surprise for me…he says it's no big deal but I just thought I'd be prepared"

"Yeah" Abby laughed

"That dress looks nice…Luka will love you in that…."Abby stared at Cleo and then looked away, Of course no one really knew That she'd broken up with Luka.

"I'm gonna try this on" Abby said

"Okay see you"

~~~

While trying on the dresses Abby kept thinking about Luka and the way Cleo had talked about him. She didn't even bother to see which dresses looked better in the end she ended up buying both. She had this sudden urge to leave the shore and just go home. She was feeling nauseous.

~~~

"Gamma I told you I will be there…yes I will…………………oh yeah I'm bringing someone with me……………………..yeah something like that……….no her names Abby…………………………no just that you make her feel welcome……………….good right well…that's that then………….bye"

His gamma was driving him insane that was the third time she'd phoned today making sure Carter had all the details. This was going to be huge he knew it. He was already late. He was supposed to meet Abby at her place like five minutes ago.

~~~

Abby sat in he room clutching the two dresses. They were pretty, shame her mood wasn't. Maybe she should try them on, for the sake of it. She's tried the black one first. Had she even brought the right size? She was just pulling straps on the black one when the doorbell rang. Damn Abby though who as it at this time, then she remembered. Carter was coming over.

"Shit" she said she didn't have time to change so she just opened the door.

"Hey………wow Crater saw her in the black dress. Have I come at a bad time."

"No come in…I was just trying these on"

"That really looks good on you"

"Really you're no just saying that because I really want to fit in on Sunday" Carter went to her and looked at her.

"You look absolutely stunning. She looked at him quizzically. After about a few seconds Carter bent down and kissed her softly on the lips, she deepened the kiss and it lasted several seconds before Abby started to un button his shirt. He wasn't going to waste any time. He began to pull the zip down from her dress, they both fell onto the couch still kissing passionately until Abby said

"We should stop"

"Why? Carter said breathing heavily

"I don't know………I don't feel right about this"

"What's there to feel right about………."

"No really…………..I'd like you to spend the night but I'd just rather we didn't, you know

"Okay well" he said buttoning his shirt up "at least I can still do this" He leaned in to kiss her

After several minutes making out in the couch Carter got up.

"I'm gonna get a drink"

"Can you get me one too" Abby called out

"Um Coke or lemonade"

"Coke…she followed him to the kitchen and put her arms around his waist and then kissed his neck.

"I though we were taking a break. I am kinda hungry"

"Oh I know you are" Abby said pulling him in for another long kiss.

"I thought you said this was wrong"

"It is but I don't care!"

~~~

Carter felt someone kiss him the next morning he rubbed his eyes to see Abby fully dressed leaning down toward him

"I'm gonna go now…I left you breakfast………."

"Why do u have to go?"

"I have to be at work"

"Not for a hour"

"No I need to be in now……….I'll see you" then she left

Carter got up and yawned. Abby had left him breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast. He'd never eaten a breakfast cooked by Abby. Carter was still caught up in a daze dreaming of Abby last night. She was so unpredictable sometimes maybe he liked her better that way. Last night she really seemed to want him………….and he wanted her…so why did he still think she might go back to Luka?

~~~

"Can you take it from here Cleo

"I've got it…you look tired maybe you should get some rest"

"I'm okay" Luka was tired of being asked to get some rest

"I take it you had fun last night"

"I'm sorry" Luka said

"With Abby…she didn't tell me where you were going but I take it was somewhere special"

"I didn't go anywhere last night not that it is any of your business" Luka snapped.

~~~

So Abby was going somehere last night well not with him. Had to be with Carter. She did seem pretty happy today.

Luka turned around to see Dr. Weaver standing next to him with another woman next to her.

"This is Dr Kovac he's been with us for three years nearly. He sometimes takes over head attending. Luka I'd like you to meet Dr Lewis."

Luka shook her hand

"Nice to meet you" he said

"Likewise so Kerry how many new workers are there now and am I going to see any familiar faces or have they all left"

"Well there you go……………" Susan had already seen Carter and ran up to him. They greeted each other with an appreciated hug

"Susan what are you doing here?" Carter was both shocked and surprised.

"I had a feeling you'd say that…I'm back………….."

"You serious" he looked at Dr. Weaver

"As serious as she'll ever be, she starts today"

Luka observed the scene from afar… Carter was popular with the females in the hospital.

~~~

Abby was back in the Sutre room that afternoon when she heard Carter's voice outside. She stepped out and saw him talking to someone else. It didn't seem like he was talking to a patient so Abby called out to him.

"Hey Abby……………listen I'd like to introduce you to an old friend of mine…she used to work here and now she's back Abby meet Susan Lewis"

"Hi" Abby said.

"So how many new people work here now" Susan asked Carter.

"There's quite a few…………

Abby decided to leave Carter alone with this Susan woman

"I'll let you guys catch up……….Nice meeting you Susan"

"You too"

"Abby's nice" Carter told Susan when Abby had left.

"Nice huh………is there something your not telling me Carter" she gave him a look he knew too well.

"I'll tell you about it over coffee" They linked arms and headed out of the hospital

~~~

Abby heard a lot of gossip about Susan Lewis' return to the ER, apparently she'd left a few years ago with her sisters baby to Phoenix and she sort of had a relationship with Mark Green, that was what she's gotten from the nurses alone.

"I mean how do you think Dr. Green will react to seeing her," Chuny was saying to Haleh.

"Shocked would be an understatement"

"So is she back for good………and what'd she do with the baby"

"God knows" Haleh remarked. Abby interrupted them as she had to get behind the admit desk.

"Excuse me, can I just get through"

"You probably don't know her Abby"

"No!" Abby said

"She's nice"

"I'm sure she is," Abby remarked. She was beginning to get a headache

~~~

"Well she sure is popular"

"Yeah I know although I can't say Weaver used to get on with her. They had some sort of bust up before she left but it seems that it's forgotten"

Abby and Carter were having coffee on Saturday afternoon.

"Won't it be weird of her you know to come back to work someplace where you don't know half the people"

"Susan's always up for a challenge………are you okay?." he had noticed her frown

"Yeah fine"

"Your not fretting about tomorrow because there's no need. I got everything covered"

"No I'm actually looking forward to it. It's been such a hectic week I need to unwind."

Abby noticed Carter staring at her

"Okay what have I got something on my face"

"No!"

"Then what you're giving me that funny look"

"What look?"

"That one just there"

"What can I say you've captured me with your beauty "he put on a highly snobby British accent. Abby couldn't help but laugh

"That ought to work tomorrow to entertain the guests if all else fails"

"We'll have a good time…if not we can always laugh about it later"

~~~

Sunday had arrived so quickly Abby was hardly on time for anything. She'd given herself over an hour to dress up but she wasn't quiet pleased with how she looked Carter would be here to pick her up soon and she definitely needed to apply some make up and her hair wasn't looking too good either. She observed herself in the mirror and dabbed some lip gloss on

"there" she said satisfied… She actually didn't look too bad. This dress was doing wonders for her figure. She did look okay, that's all she needed. Now for her hair. She needed it so it curled under a little, that was going to be tricky.

~~~

Carter arrived five minutes early to pick Abby up but she seemed ready

"Hey…okay you look…………"

"Over dressed"

"No…………beautiful"

"Thanks…I'll just get my coat and we can get going. Did I need to bring anything?"

"Nope I got some wine on the way here that should do it"

"Are we going in a limo?"

"No, we've got to settle for my car this time"

"I probably won't be running into Richard again"

"You never know"

"Come one he can't know your grandmother"

"My grandmother knows a lot of people"

They got into the car. Carter was driving

"Your hair looks nice" he commented

"It's not that different

"No I don't think I've seen you with it like this"

"Oh the clip does it look okay?"

"It looks great. They headed of into the night for what may be quite an eventful evening

To be continued


End file.
